Christie Renee
Mar 27, 20186 min
Updated: Jun 1, 2022
Can I vent real quick? I just feel like, aint nobody praying for the oldest kid that’s 20-something years old. It’s not a game out here for the 20-somethings. We’re adults now and yea we look like we’re thriving on the gram and Facebook, but you know how it is. We’re actually highkey struggling, stuck between trying to be Boosie- Bad Azz independent but also needing guidance and assistance in reaching our goals or even establishing our identity.
Outside of own personal trauma and drama of living, the world just seems like it gets crazier by the day. We know we have to start doing something different to live the life of our dreams; to be at peace, to have more stability, and fun, but how? Where do you even start?
We know the values and traditions our families taught us; all the lil cultural norms, academic expectations, “graduate + get a job + get a stable house + get married + have kids = success” formulas ingrained in some of us since pampers. We know what “thus sayeth the Lord''— all’a that. But, we don’t know if we even wanna do all that, if that’s the life we want to continue.
I just feel like I don’t know what I am doing. I kinda know where I am going and I know where I’m not going to go. It just gets hard trying to figure this out when you don’t feel like you got a safe space to learn, vent or even rest. Then when you try to talk to your folks about it, they either don’t know what the hell you’re talking about, or be like,”
“We did it at your age, it's just a part of growing up in life. It ain’t that hard. You just spoiled; figure it out. Pray about it. And put ya chin up.” Instant eye roll.
That’s the problem– that ain’t working. It seems like once you're 18, especially as the oldest child, you're dropped. There’s no more space for you. The community support ends and you’re left to figure it out, and make some pretty huge decisions, some of us with no good examples or guidance around. We are pushing, trying to figure it out, but being 20 something today ain’t no walk in the park. We need help with life hacks that we never learned, like the power of community instead of this Boosie Bad Azz independent culture, emotional intelligence, total wellness, personal finances, how to find and hone in on your superpowers, how to do business, even how to cook and eat healthy!
We are trying hard to figure it out. And that’s why we are broke but blunted in the process, just trying to catch a break and not to break down in figuring it out. But you know us, we are flexing for the gram, doing our best to look like we are ok when really, we just trying to keep from crumbling.
Crumbling is our biggest fear… cuz look at who is depending on us. Look at how many from our community are looking up to us. Look at who gets motivated by us. Look at our positions in our family. Look at where we been and how we got through. Look at how many are waiting on us to fall, just to boost their ego? Look at where we could go. Look at who’s there as a safety net when we just need to cry or need to borrow $350. We’re stressed, and worried that we can’t crumble. And it feels like aint nobody praying for us, helping us to find strength to continue on, to keep fighting, to remind us that we are equipped with everything we need and to show us how to use them, to remind us of who we really are.
It just feels like there’s no break in sight. And that we can’t ask for help without being criticized or labeled weak. I just don’t know how much longer we can just suck it up.
30 year old Christie to the 20-somethings
Life is pretty scary right now. You feel like there is more pushing against you than supporting you. You’re not sure you have the support you need or what support you need. You just want to do, to have, to experience better– peace, happiness, safety, love. Crumbling feels catastrophic, especially since you’re by yourself and maybe even carry a lot of weight for your family.
You’re doing great recognizing and pointing out your wants and needs. Though its been tough, you may not understand how far you’ve come! So let’s do an exercise. Unfortunately, life will get progressively shitty, but it has to get better, too. It’ll hurt during the process every so often. But this is how you find your own identity, flow, and peace. This is how you begin to live the life of your dreams in your 20s.
Talk with your future self. What is future you doing? Wearing? Eating? Desire? Dislikes? What makes future you happy, sad, mad, or tired? What does future you value? Who does future you interact with, or no longer interact with? Why?
Become more aware. Now it’s time to see where you are now. Keep asking questions and notice differences in answers. Check this blog for more ways you can learn about yourself.
Practice gratitude. First thank God and your ancestors that you even made it this far, flaws and all. I know it feels like ain’t nobody praying for you, but I promise your ancestors prayed
Do one thing that makes your smile
Repot yourself. In order for certain plants to reach their full potential, you have to repot them in larger pots, so their roots to go further and reach more nutrients that helps the plants grow. If you want to grow, you may need to relocate into an environment that supports your growth. Take some trips (Book Passports to purpose) to experience new places to live.
Make space and time to just be. I know you’re determined. But some wild shit is going to happen. Understand that you can reach your goals if you take it slow and you’re more gentle with yourself, too. Sometimes you won’t have support. It just is what it is. Have fun exploring healthy and budget-friendly ways to decompress, nurture and rejuvenate yourself through your grind.
To those with strong friends and family:
Your thoughts are cool, your prayers are appreciated, but the 20-somethings need more. Make sure you are creating a safe space for them to express their frustrations and needs. If they can’t communicate that yet, ask them open-ended questions about life and just listen. Practice discretion because I guarantee you, just talking and being vulnerable is a hurdle in itself.
If you offer solutions, make sure it is relevant to them and not your problems. Do your best to not insert yourself and your experiences unless it gives clear perspective or guidance to overcome their hurdles. And lastly, FOLLOW THROUGH WITH THOSE OFFERS OF ASSISTANCE!!! Don’t tell them you’re thinking about them or that your prayers are with them; PULL UP!!! HELP… ME...PLAYA *in my Kevin Hart voice.
I’ll leave everyone with this: Let’s walk in the philosophy of our ancestors: ”Ubuntu": I am because you are; you are because I am.
A person with Ubuntu is welcoming, hospitable, warm, generous, and willing to share. Such people are open and available to others, willing to be vulnerable, affirming of others, do not feel threatened that others are able and good, for they have a proper self-assurance that comes from knowing that they belong in a greater whole. They know that they are diminished when others are humiliated, diminished when others are oppressed, diminished when others are treated as if they were less than who they are. The quality of Ubuntu gives people resilience, enabling them to survive and emerge still human despite all efforts to dehumanize them. In other words, #WakandaForever
God Bless them 20 somethings! Good luck on them 20 somethings!
PS. As of March 27, 2018, YES, I’m struggling, Yes, I need help. I’ve asked and was left looking and feeling stupid. I’ve had to push through alone plenty of times (and still do) and I hated every bit of it - it led to many depressed nights. But I’ve also learned who truly has my best interest at heart and who holds my safety net. When in need, I know exactly where to go, thanks to the Lordt!! Ooo but I always welcome additional assistance and resources :)