Surviving Suicide: How to Deal with and Overcome a Soul-Shattering Suicide Attempt

In August 2020, I almost lost another family member to mental illness and pain. Talk about hitting my 2020 lowest. Of all the shit that happened this year, none shook my world as much as hearing how random, "insignificant" Saturday could've been the end date of memory making with someone I could never fathom living without. It hurt! And sent my mind everywhere. It took me back to when I lost my baby cousin in 2018 and all the confusion and pain I felt for her and ESPECIALLY her mom (my cousin) and grandmother. I might've looked alive and well, but I was stuck.

"Who do I talk to about this? Can I even talk about this with someone? Can I do it without a break down? But this is our business, so what if they get mad or embarrassed that I spoke to someone, even another family member about it? What am I supposed to do? Is there anything I can really do? Do I have to just hold this in?

I had to talk to my cousin! I was all over the place. Little did I know, Miss Day, my cousin, was way too hip on how I felt, because she had gone through it herself. She said the impact of a suicide attempt in her family affected the whole family unit in ways you'd never think, some painfully but lots of positive lessons learned with some positive behavior change.

What stood out to me the most in our conversation about the stigma of mental illness, its symptoms, and prevalence in the black community, she painted the picture of how heavy day-to-day life can be for anybody and what it feels like to be an individual suffering emotionally, mentally and even physically from the bullshit of life. I felt that. I've definitely had my lows and have told yall about plenty of them (Check out what had me Triggered af and why I even started Gutted Fitness). She said, even though we all have these lows, some people simply just want to end that moment, no matter what that means. Suicide for them, is the only option or is the loudest attempt to get the attention or answers they're yearning for from a specific source. My mind was blown, so much that I asked her to hop in this chat and to break it down for us. The next voice in this blog will be from Miss Day, dropping knowledge on the stigma of mental health in the black community, new perspectives on life and what it can be like to survive suicide as a close family member to a suicide survivor.

Suicide attempts and thoughts should be taken seriously not only because if

succeeded, you'll be gone forever, but overall it is one of the biggest ways of saying "Hey! I'm confused. I'm in so much pain. I'm hurting. I don't know what to believe anymore. I want this to be over! " It's a silent, yet loud cry for help. It's looking for a way to end the horrible feeling that you're experiencing. No word can ever describe the feeling of wanting it all to be over. All you know is that you feel it. And if it's unbearable enough, that feeling turns into a thought, which turns into an attempt, which could possibly turn into succeeding at suicide.

Some succeed and some don't. For those that do, the pain ended forever. For those that don't, a new healing begins. A new strength emerges. A new mind is formed. We must take into account and understand that our extreme pain is what we wanted to end. This way of solving the pain is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

Those that suffer from trauma, blatant disrespect, harm and injustice, confusion and lies, and indescribable pain, will most likely have a suicidal thought. This is because the emotion is so strong and pulling. It's unbearable and you become desperate for a solution to end the feeling. I mention the black community because our dysfunction is not hidden. All the trauma we experience in a lifetime and that we witness from past generations is not a lie. It's been said for years and with the internet and social media so prevalent showing how we live, you must admit, it's a miracle we thrive.

It is not normal for us to live this way. Unfortunately, this is our normal. We witness murders, we're sexual targets, we get long jail sentences at an early age, our religion keeps us divided, our money is conditional, our culture is conditional, we glorify the stagnation of our people, and our heroes that fight for us are slain right in our faces. Where is our hope and faith? How is our mentality?

For a lot of us, it's so normal to live this way, until we find out it's not normal. By then, it's too late for many of us and the damage is done. By then, we have PTSD, anxiety attacks and disorders, paranoia, suicide thoughts/attempts, and a "No Trust" policy because we've never been able to confide and have real protection. Our mind disorders are real, but we're told not to feel because we're so "strong". Just like anything held in too long, it takes over like a plague. It happens to our minds and bodies. If you don't express yourself, it will express it for you. Our feelings and thoughts are indeed real and powerful. 

I understand why people would think about solutions to end the pain, feelings, and "quiet secrets". We're often told to keep it inside, not to be a burden, and not to appear weak. But is it really being weak to feel? I think it's strong. Weak people ignore how they feel because they don't want to deal with reality and they keep avoiding what needs to be handled.

It's strong to address your feelings. It's strong to go heads up with what's bothering you. It's strong to want to fix yourself and find solutions. It's also strong to educate yourself on all solutions and find one person to go over things with you. I guarantee you suicide will get off your list of options. We have an amazing thing called the internet that allows us to educate ourselves in any area/subject. We get to use that search box to ask all those hard questions, ones that you aren't willing to say aloud, and ones you think others can't give you the answers to. No, I'm not saying google it away, or pray it away. I am saying if you're looking for a way to end the pain, look for all ways.

We all feel unbearable pain and want to die. Everyone has said it. But what if we all actually did it? What else would that end? Is that really want you want? Why? Since we're still here, grab life by the neck and use your options.

Don't ever forget who you are. And if you do, your strength shines through anyway because you notice you lost yourself. That is just an indication that the old you is gone and the new you is calling you to step up and begin the new life.

If you know anyone who attempted suicide, try to understand them. Give them time. Healing looks different to everyone so learn what healing means for them and you, and then heal together. Be there. Listen. Make new memories. Pay attention more and realize what ways your loved one needs extra care. They're looking for answers. They're hurt, confused, have been lied to, and their mental health is bruised. They want it all to stop completely! Just be there how they want you to be there, and how you're able to be there. It's an effort on both ends. After experiencing something like that, you too will need to heal.

It's important thing to be forgiving, too. Don't judge your loved one. The whole experience may tear you apart, but can put you back together in a way you didn't know you needed to be: stronger, smarter, and more aware of others pain. It hurts like hell to lose or almost lose someone you love. You may feel like "how could you leave us?" on top of a million other questions. During your healing, all questions won't be answered, but know that it is important to express yourself and talk while both of you heal.

In situations like this, time heals all wounds. Each day forward let's you look back at how far you've come. Keep going. This is the long fight. Keep loving each other, taking care of each other, forgiving each other, and understanding each other. Like the old and wise say, keep living.

Much love yall,

Miss Day

Follow Miss Day on IG: _Miss.Day.

Miss Day is a creative author who storytells everyday life experiences and lessons of the black community in funny and authentic, true to the culture ways. Check out her latest book, In Love with the Lies.

For more stats on mental illness, check out this publishing on Black And African American Communities And Mental Health by Mental Heath in America. The most intriguing for me are:

Footnotes refer to references made in the article. View article to see sources.

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