The most slept on question! The world tells us to not GAF, but what about those times that you really do need to GAF?
These days, giving any kinds of fucks is a sign of weakness. You're supposed to approach everything-- school, work, relationships, ya mama-- emotionless, with a cold heart. Have no feelings, because that's how you boss up, keep your enemies on their toes, and earn respect.
But that's where the problems start. Folk working so hard to be an un-fuck-with-able robot that when life happens, when a real G gets some feelings, the breakdown is real.
Because at that moment, you HAVE to give a fuck... Let's get into that:
Some things, you have to care about, but most things, FUCK IT! It is ok to think about things and express your feelings, but don’t dwell on it or allow it to bring you down too much.
So ya'll know it's story time followed by some life gems, right!? Bet.
As y'all know, I'm a G. But chiiile, I've been really going through!
Mourning the loss of my GlamMa on 10/03/2019
Frustrated at my familial and financial problems
Feeling unmotivated and hopeless because of career uncertainties
Fighting my fears of vulnerability and abandonment
Sick of these guys and their half-assed pursuit of me, like I’m just some basic bitch or something
Sick of this wild ass hair but too worn out from work, depression and anxiety to pick up a comb
Sick of Instagram and all it's shade and superficiality, but I need it for my side projects
And some mo shit… 99 problems and probably adding one mo with every fuck I give out. Worthless, hopeless and aint shit: That’s how I’ve been feeling until I sat back and really looked at the root of all it: None of these issues really define me nor do I have control over most of that. So to sit back and fester on it, to give a fuck about it, is literally draining me. So one day, I just said fuck it.
That day, it still felt like any other day. I was still sick of everything, including being sick of it. So I just dropped the eggs, with no fucks to give... and LAWD I felt more weightless, confident and empowered to control what got my energy so and to show up authentically. Essentially, my approach to the day was “y’all gone get what you get of Christie Renee today and y'all not finna press me!! Shit!” You know, like ya mama used to say.
Now I couldn't just go big with my "No Fucks Shenanigans". I decided to go one step at a time. My first step was in my fashion. DC is such a pretentious city that I found myself becoming a boujie bish. Now, don’t get me wrong. I do enjoy the look and feel of that lifestyle. But I’m generally a laid back, tomboy. Think Teyana Taylor. That’s me: where ghetto and hood meets high fashion. When it's truly time to show out, you know I'm coming through. Otherwise, I'm chilling. So how did I say “fuck this pretentious ass city”?
Nov 2 weekend, I was conflicted while packing to go kick it in NY with my boy for my b-day: Do I glam up for the gram or get comfortable and kick it? Fuck it. I chose both. I got cute but was much more happy and relaxed in my “casual wear”. The day felt so much easier to navigate too. I was both sides of me.
For my next “fuck it”, I took a trip: DEFLEE couldn’t afford it and will be paying for it later. But FUCK it! I’ve been saying I wanted to see the world forever but have been waiting for the right time, you know “when my finances are right.” Well, seems like that shit ain’t gone be right for a while as an entrepreneur living in DC and I refuse to sit back and be miserable. And given how down I had been feeling, I needed a new scene and some motivation. So I dipped to Rome and Finland. It was exactly what I needed. No nothing spectacular happened per se but just the experience alone— like having to navigate a city that speaks an entirely different language and seeing other, if not better ways of living -- gets your brain processing in different ways. I loved every bit of it.
Last, I took a look at some of the relationships I have or have been wanting in my life. The best response I have to that is, people are going to do what is in the best interest of them at the end of the day. And they are not wrong for that, because you do the same thing sometimes. Try not to take it personally and just move on with your life. That goes for family, friends and even that corny ass person that is/is not pursuing you the way that you want. You can speak your peace but leave it after that! Let people do them and you do you! And don’t let them doing them hold you back or hinder you from doing you. Fuck 'em!
Now I’m not endorsing bitter behavior, being irresponsible or running around reckless, making people deal with the chaos you may bring. The point is, we have to stop giving a fuck about things we have no control over or that drain us. Be Future to the BS.
We also have to understand that pain and suffering is a characteristic of life that we simply cannot avoid. We just have to do a better job of choosing what to give a fuck about and how we deal with it:
That family death: deal with it. Give a fuck! Then move on.
Finances: try not to let it go haywire, but if you’re all work and no play, fuck it. Go and splurge on yourself every once in a while.
Relationships: If there isn’t a balance of happiness and stress, that there’s more stress than happiness and great experiences, fuck it, let it go, whether that is family or not. Your peace of mind matters first.
Career: If you can honestly say you been doing ya thang, fuck that job. Take that sick or PTO day. Book that trip. Pursue your side dreams. Do what makes you happy. I mean do your job well, but also request that raise or for support in your goals! Feel free to take your skills elsewhere if it makes you happier and positions you the way you want.
Hair: I mean you can do like I do and say fuck it and let that thang go, or you can just add it into your budget. It’s up to you. My broke ass will just let it do as it pleases right now.
The point is: You’re human and humans give a fuck about shit big and small. Being more selective on where you give a fuck is what’s going to affect your quality of life. So long as you aren’t hurting others, do ya thang. Go ahead and be happy, chill, indifferent, angry, sad, cry, holler, etc. Just try to limit what gets a fuck each day. Save your energy for more pressing matters and exciting and fulfilling experiences.
Today, take some time to evaluate your “fucks stockpile”. How many fucks did you give out this week, yesterday and today? What or who got one and who or what didn’t? Who or what should or shouldn’t have gotten one? Now what are you going to do about it? How many you giving out tomorrow? Either way, next week will be a better week!
On Wednesday, let‘s talk about it. Join the Fucks Given conversation on the Convoz app!
P.S. The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck, though it wreaks of white boy priviledge, is a dope approach to life. The author, Mark Manson, is real trill in how he pushes us to get to know our limitations and accept them. Once we embrace our fears, faults, and uncertainties, stop running and avoiding and start confronting painful truths, we can begin to find the courage, perseverance, honesty, responsibility, curiosity, and forgiveness we seek.
I highly encourage you to check it out and stop, or start giving a fuck for once.
Iight, it’s been real! ima fuh witcha!