Chiiiillleee, lemme tell you...

I started Gutted Fitness on the basis of a traumatizing but common experience...a breakup.

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Yeah, go ahead and clown me, but while you're at it, think about how a break up can be the think that breaks the camel's back and just send you in a downward spiral. That’s what happened to me. WTF was life?

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At the time of the breakup, I was already feeling lonely and exhausted during a huge transition phase-- I was a recent first-generation graduate, working full time with no car in Texas, AND had just broke up with some really close friends. 

 

When the one person I felt could I lean on for mental and emotional support switched up and triggered just about all my childhood triggers and self- doubt, the shit sent me into deep depression. I felt even more alone, unwanted, undeserving of love,  misunderstood, voiceless, and stupid.  Definitely thought I might've bitten off more than I could chew with living alone out of state, now with no friends. Everyday, I lost a little more hope and energy to do anything, and became a hermit.  Sluggish, nonchalant, smug. That wasn't me at all. That's not who I wanted to be. I mean for real, they called me HuSTLe at school cuz I was always on the move.

 

As I went through that dark time, I discovered that the pain wasn’t as much about the person that broke up with me as it was about the childhood pain I was reliving. I started questioning my thoughts: Why do I feel worthless or unwanted? Where do I find my value? Who's opinion matters in my life and why? What do I want in my friendships and romantic relationships? Where are my resources? Who can I count on to reciprocate support? How do I see myself in the next 5 years? I really started to shift my thinking, let go of all things that weren't serving me, like negative thoughts, and even started doing things that helped me think or made me feel good, like going to the gym, coloring, cooking, traveling. 

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One day at a time, I began to lift of out that abyss, and had a better outlook on life.  I knew if I never wanted to experience that pain after that break up again, and if I was to get the life I wanted, I was going to have to detox, define and unwind: I'd have to grow through and let go of my childhood triggers and shift my mindset. I'd need to start living my own best life. I made it too far at that point to give up and let that time of my life be the end. So I kept going.

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This experience also made me realize the impact an environment has on a person's wellbeing. Growing up broke in disinvested and marginalized neighborhoods known for violence in STL, and experiencing residual impacts of the crack epidemic most DEFLEE influenced how I thought, felt, and moved. This is why I became passion in urban planning- because if your home doesn't support your wellbeing, how well can you really be? No amount of therapy can heal a systematic problem. That's why Gutted Fitness is advocating for and activating the hood to use their own power to create their own safe spaces. Just for us!

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Now, I ain't got all the answers but I'm here to show you that you're not alone in the bullshittery of life. Contrary to what you believe, you can be happy and at peace without having to sacrifice self. 

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SO who am I?  I'm just a young, ghetto black city planner with boocoo degrees from South St. Louis trying to make peace with her past, present and future and preserve safe places to just be black.

 

When I'm not somewhere being a mogul, I'm probably turnt up and twerking with myself in my apartment, trying new recipes, watching some gang drama, or criminal mastermind shows on Netflix or shooting the shits with Black folk in a hood near you. You know, chill shit.

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Certifications: AFAA-CGF, BOSU, CPR