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IIGHT SO Boom. Last time we chatted, we talked about how to become more A.W.A.R.E. and I shared a little of what I had been dealing with. WELP! I spent an entire summer practicing and chiiiiiilllleeee… I’m tired. I ain't gone eem hold ya!
It has been one of the most challenging but rewarding experiences. I had to stand face to face with some of my main hurdles: Vulnerability (foreshadow), Communication and Expectation Management. I did a lot of self reflection (try it yourself) and experimented with my thoughts, triggers and reactions with my sister, friends and even the Wakandan… I ought to tag him so you see how fine he is.
Fortunately, I had my sister with me this summer. She told me a few times that I was crazy hahah but she knew me most and was the familiar support I needed. I had a lot I needed to work through and let go of. She made it bearable!
When I tell you it was hard… man…. Now I don’t mean to scare you in your self-improvement journey. I’m saying that sometimes, especially for stubborn people like me, this process requires some humbling and acceptance of some things about yourself. Once you do that, I promise that you’ll come out feeling much lighter and stronger, ready for the next challenge.
Now, what did I learn? SHIIII what didn’t I? Let’s talk a walk through some. These aren’t in any particular order:
Vulnerability
Do life with someone-- a family member, friend, or partner. Having my sister around helped me better deal with my past, present and make sense of my future. Be careful though, don’t be holding on to folk that you need to drop.
Yes, you will still get triggered, but everyone isn’t out to hurt you. Relax a little and take it one step and day at a time.
Accept the way you love and don’t apologize for it.
Celebrate yourself more often. You’ve come a long way.
Apologize. PUT YOUR PRIDE ASIDE and apologize. Some situations shouldn’t be revisited but if it still bothers you or you really miss that person, hit them up, apologize and let them know. At least get it off your chest for YOUR health and peace.
Love YOURSELF the way YOU want to be loved. Buy yourself those flowers, go to that arcade, get that hairstyle, eat at that fancy ass restaurant. Put on your makeup and freakum dress just to go to the movies or sit at the bar. It’s for YOU. No one should love you better than YOU.
Gone head and cry. Yes, you cry ugly, we all do. Stop holding in your feelings. Communicate them with your words and however else you like to express.
Hug folk more. You don’t have to be so tough.
Communication
The “Golden Rule”-- treat people as you’d like to be treated-- yea fuck that. I’m not saying be rude to people but stop expecting people to treat you as well as you treat them. It’s a trash reality but some folk just don’t give a damn about you. When you realize they don't, just walk away.
No one can read your mind. Speak up and say that shit with your chest, no matter how painful or “foolish” you look. Sometimes, it’s better to overcommunicate, especially when communicating with those you care about.
Tell your friends and family how much they mean to you more often and in different ways. They’ve been putting up with your shit for a while. Thank them!
Expectations
Drop expectations of who you think someone “could be”, “should be” or “would be ok if__” in your life. Like and love them for them. Get to know them!
Be clear and upfront with your expectations. Don’t tolerate disrespect or mistreatment.
You can’t control how anyone else thinks or behaves. You can only do you!
My bestie said this one the best: You don’t have to work so hard to not repeat the past or generational curses. You are not your mother, father, brother, sister, aunt, grandparents, etc. Set your own path and be free.
Stop expecting everyone to love and like you even though you love yourself. Some folk just ain't for you! Trust me! That’s a good thing!
Stop expecting perfection from yourself and others. I mean really… have you NOT become A.W.A.R.E.? We are all wild! But that’s where the beauty is. Allow yourself to fuck up.
I told you it was a lot. And I’m still learning. The learning and growth never ends but that’s not a bad thing! As you prioritize self and become more intentional with personal development, you’ll realize each day that you’re living your wildest dreams! Keep going!
Speaking of wildest dreams, stay tuned! Gutted has made some major improvements and has added some new features! It’s bout to be lit! Secure your edges hunny! Cuz Gutted is about to snatch em!
XOXO
-Chris