"What the devil meant for bad, God meant it for good."
Imagine growing up, though you’re the oldest of 3, being excluded as the “step-child”. Imagine feeling irrelevant and unimportant. Imagine doing everything in your young power to become someone your father, family and schoolmates want to be around and be friends with. Then imagine being confined to one identity. Imagine it never working, that you’re never accepted for becoming another person or being yourself, regardless of how many accolades you’ve won. Imagine never being enough, and without warning, being abandoned. That was my childhood. In order to cope, I used my dreams of attending college, just to do whatever I wanted, to cope. This set the foundation of how Gutted Fitness was founded.
Fast forward, 2014 was the year of the lemon. Due to a change of circumstances, I worked at least 2 jobs while taking a 15 hour course load and holding executive positions in my sorority. My friendships and familial relationship took a turn for the worse, slowly creating a void that I tried to fill with business. Nevertheless, I graduated as a first generation college student from Texas Christian University, got my first apartment, was finding my way as far as a career, had a great relationship with my then boyfriend, and more importantly, I was stepping into my own and learning that I am more than enough. All was beginning to look up until it wasn’t. Without warning nor explanation, again, I was abandoned.
Most would describe me as driven, resilient, upbeat, passionate, and tenacious . However, the breakup resurfaced childhood wounds and sent me into deep depression. I couldn’t understand how I was dealing with the same situation, regardless of my attempts to rise above it. The “Christie” people once knew drowned in doubt, confusion, anger, fear, and sorrow for at least 6 months. I never wanted to leave my bed, lost sight of and interest in my dreams, had no idea nor did I care to know who I was anymore. I felt that abandonment was me, that I would never be enough, that I didn’t matter to anyone and that my accomplishments were for nothing. “What’s the point of doing anything if the results are the same?” Unhappy with my state of mind, it took me more than 2 years to heal and transform my mind. I used dance and fitness as my outlet, often crying through a workout. I had to allow myself to go through the process, with all of the emotions and unanswered questions one day at a time with fitness and dance.
Though it may seem trivial, experiences such as mine have the power to completely alter someone’s outlook on life or themselves and has the potential to be deadly. I never thought that I’d ever reach or experience such a low point in my life-- to not have the desire to do ANYTHING was NOT Christie. I knew I had work myself out of the abyss. There were no instructions on how to do that, other than prayer. My only option was to experiment, which is where I found fitness, dance, traveling and modeling and how Gutted Fitness was born.
Through Gutted Fitness, I strive to show people that they are not alone in their experiences, contrary to their beliefs. I want to provide the guide to digging one’s self out of depression or unhappiness with positive coping alternatives. Though I found my release through physical activity, I understand that physical activity and fitness is not for everyone; I hope to program with options for those with different interests, such as playing an instrument, coloring or producing art work and more. I hope to help individuals unlock happiness in life regardless of their circumstances. I hope to help individuals #detox their mind and body of any negativity and things preventing them from moving forward. I hope to help individuals #define their life and body in ways they choose rather than by social norms, image, prescribed thoughts or opinions or experiences. Further, I wish to help individuals #unwind, learning to find the positives and seize opportunities to express, experience and live in positive moments, whether it is through physical activty, arts, vacation, spa, you name it. Self-maintenance and preservation is the only way to have a fruitful and quality of life. Now I know this sounds much easier than it actually is. But when I tell you there’s beauty in the journey! One day at a time, living in that moment and allowing yourself to go through all of the emotions, is all it takes. Let's #GetGutted, #DetoxDefineUnwind and live in peace.
-Ya fee me!?