Be the Change: When “Just Keep Going” Starts Costing You Too Much

Christie Renee
Apr 6
4 min read

Hey Gang,

April is Stress Awareness Month and Black Maternal Health Week

—and I’ve been really sitting with my stress.

Not just feeling it… but questioning it.

Because if I’m being honest—

I’ve been burnt out.

Doing everything. Still feeling stuck. And telling myself the only option is to keep going…

because my baby needs me. I gotta get this money...

Between:

motherhood
work
building something of your own
trying to stay financially stable

…it’s easy to normalize stress.

To the point where:

rest feels irresponsible
slowing down feels risky
and pushing feels like the only way forward

But long-term stress isn’t just mental.

It shows up in your body, your energy, your decisions—and your life.

And as moms, especially Black mothers, that weight is heavier. Trust me-- I lived it! (Check out pg 47 for the story)

The Story That Made Me Say Wayment...

While researching Black pioneers in wellness and stress management, I came back across the story of John Henry. But this time, I understood it differently.

John Henry didn’t just work hard.

He pushed himself to prove a point. A machine was replacing him in his work—something he had built pride, identity, and purpose around. So he worked harder. Pushed further. Refused to be outdone.

And he proved his point.

But it cost him his life.

I felt all of that, and it led me to the work of Sherman James, who coined John Henryism. It’s basically what happens when you keep pushing to prove something... even when it’s costing you your health, your time, and your peace.

I FELT ALL OF THAT.

Because right now?

I’m proud of what I do.

I love building my business. I finally enjoy my work as an urban planner. And I love and am proud of my daughter and want to be there in every step of her development.

But I’m trying to prove I can do all of it.

At the same time.

At a high level.

Without dropping anything.

And I'm burning out and breaking down.

It’s Costing Me More Than I Want to Admit

The truth is…

I can’t do everything. And trying to?

It’s wearing me down.

I’m exhausted
The financial payout isn’t matching the effort at work
I feel stuck in a cycle where I’m doing all the things but not getting ahead

And the part that hits the hardest?

I’m missing time with my baby or I don't have the bandwidth to be patient when I am with my baby.

Call it mom guilt if you want.

But it’s deeper than that.

If I don’t have the time to pour into her… or the resources to put her in environments where she can grow…then what are we really doing all this for? I'm short changing her. And for this alone, something has to change, and pushing harder in the wrong direction is not the answer.

This Isn’t Just About Working Hard

This is about what we’re trying to prove—and how we’re coping.

Because just like John Henry…

Pushing harder might prove a point.

But it can still cost you everything that matters.

Choosing to Be the Change

That’s why this year, I made a shift:

I’m operating from a peace-first model.

Not based on what I can handle—…but what I can handle without losing my health, my time, and my relationships. Because being the change means interrupting the cycle that leaves me too depleted to be present and pour into my daughter and myself.

The Reset

In doing the a scan of 2024 and 2025, I realized--I didn’t need more discipline. I didn't need motivation. I had systems but every time, I'd lose myself in the rat race.

I needed a way to come back to myself.

The 5 R’s of Mindfulness, shared by Chris Frasz, very similar to the Gutted Model, gave me a structure ad more to think about:

Rethink – What is this costing me?
Relax – Create small moments to pause
Release – Move the stress out of your body
Reduce – Cut what’s draining you
Reorganize – Adjust your life to this season

He also shared something simple that stuck with me:

“Not right now.”

A reminder to quiet the noise and come back to the present. that I don't have to do EVERYTHING right now. I can still reach my goals if I do one thing at a time.

The 5 R's really helped me realign and find a path forward, but I was still depleted.