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Sometimes, it is important to take a step back and look at your goals and your actions. Not just to test your progress or reprioritize, but to assess if your goals and actions are actually YOURS: It’s your idea, its your values, it’s who you are.
Story time:
Nicole dated a guy named Shawn. Nicole took “criticisms” from Shawn, someone she admired and adjusted her day to day actions, beliefs and goals to match Shawn. Nicole just wanted to be a good friend, “less ratchet”, and exist in a positive, happy relationship. Of course, Nicole was slowly losing who she in building this fantasy. When Shawn left her, she wasn’t sure of who she was, what she liked, how she liked to dress, none of that. I know it sounds dumb and cliche but for her, it felt like losing the two most important people in life, her best friend Shawn and herself- the only one she was left with at the end of the day. It was a traumatic experience.
As Nicole came into her own, she started to really dig into why that situation was so traumatic and examined who she was, or was supposed to be in the relationship. When she started to piece together some of her and Shawn's actions and weird situations, she was able to see how Shawn, intentionally or not, used her to cover his insecurities and secrets. Shawn’s criticisms of and behavior towards Nicole reflected his truth and insecurities and were tools to hide or rewrite his reality. But when Nicole’s transformation into that facade couldn’t make that happen, Nicole, unfortunately was sacrificed.
In all, don’t be either of them. It's CRITICAL that you take time to get to know and become secure in who you are as an individual: all of your thoughts, tendencies, likes and dislikes, what makes you tick and what makes the perfect Friday night. If you know and are comfortable in who you are, no one will be able to come into your space and criticize or belittle you into conforming to their world or fantasy world.
AND if you know who you are and are PROUD of it, you will be least likely to hurt someone else by imposing your insecurities onto them. If who you are does not align with who they are, it is ok to leave that person RIGHT where they are.
EVERYBODY AINT YO FRIEND. EVERYONE DON’T DESERVE TO KNOW THE REAL YOU!
Now I’m not saying Shawn was wrong for walking away towards his truth. I’m saying it’s important to be so comfortable in yourself that you can’t be swayed and will not hurt someone else in your search of self. Take time alone-date yourself, protect yourself, love yourself, and FULLY exist in yourself. Both Shawn and Nicole are living their best life, chile!
In the words of the great one, Drake, KNOW YOURSELF!
-Ya fee me!?